19, revisited.

This past weekend was one of the best I can remember in a long while. Having my new friends and my old friends all together was a great experience, but it left me thinking how I appeared to them. Everyone acts differently around certain people and I wondered how this was affecting me. I hope I'm genuine enough that the real me is what everyone sees.

In Memphis, there is one place I love to go above all others. Memphis has the largest park-within-a-city (that’s a technical term) in the country, and a portion of the park is the off-leash dog area. It is no secret that I love my dog more than some of my friends, so getting to go there and watch him run and play with the other dogs makes my heart warm. On Saturday*, I got to go with some of my favorite people. The weather was perfect, the friends were perfect, the dog was perfect. I don’t think we always take into consideration how much the weather plays on our moods,** but the weather that day just cemented how I was feeling. It was the perfect start to the day.

I won’t go into the details of the party, but it was wonderful too. I am truly blessed by the people I am honored to call my friends and I don’t know where I would be without them. This was probably the best birthday I’ve had in quite awhile and I don’t want the feelings to slip away just yet.

xx

* - the actual day of my birth
** - the weather was a balmy fifty or so Fahrenheit.. Last year on my birthday, school was cancelled because of the snow. Isn’t it funny how the weather, and the girl, can change in one year?

19.

Its been almost a month to the day since I last wrote here, and that sort of makes me feel like a failure. If it helps, I've popped over here a few times over the last thirty days, opened a draft, and sat and stared at the blinking thingy thing. (you know what I mean.)

BUT- I haz good topic to talk about today!

In two days' time, I'll be turning 19 which means I'll be entering my very last teen year. Which is a good feeling and also a scary one. I can't seem to make up my mind as to which feeling is overwhelming me at the moment. I think, actually I know that what needs to be overwhelming me is happiness. I'm passing through into "transitional adulthood" (a phrase I learned in Sociology today) where I have big girl responsibilities! but I still depend on my mom. Which I'm cool with. I just wish these years weren't going by so quickly. Like, I'm almost done with my first year of college & that literally blows my mind. Soon, it will be a year since I started this blog (which isn't that big of a feat, I must admit--it sort of blows) and soon it'll be a year since I discovered the wonder that is YouTube and vlogging (which I am getting better at :) )

And soon I'll graduating and starting my life and oh my god.

Don't get me wrong, I am overly excited for my future and everything that is going to happen to me. I'm just scared too because I've never travelled down this road, and like Katherine Howard, I like to have everything practiced perfectly before I do it. Therefore I don't falter or fuck up.* I don't stumbled and make a fool of myself. But I've never done any of this before and it's really scary. Hold me.

So, anyway-- I'm going home to celebrate my birthday with Selina. I'm actually taking my friends home with me and we're having a party at my house and its going to be excellent :) I'm really excited.
Though there are going to be people there who don't get along and I'm kind of interested in how that will turn out. But more on that never--private things are private after all :)

I have a paper to write--on psychology. whoop. buh bye now.

x

* - I've decided that here, on my blog, I'm going to speak like I would in real life. Which, in real life, I say words like fuck. I try not to use them elsewhere on teh interwebs, but I feel safe here. Hope you don't mind. xx