Mostly I miss you..

& I can't find the words.


Story of my life. Oh, well. There is so much going on in my brain right now, and I just don't know what to do with all of it. Its like I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore and it worries me. And, like, I'm reverting back to parts of my old self that I didn't like and I'm changing parts of me that I don't like the new part and its just overall strange. Have I mentioned I don't like change? In the slightest. And like, I know parts of me are changing that need to change, but I'm overall becoming a much harsher person than I used to be & I'm not quite sure I like it. I don't know--like I said, I don't like change. I'm just at a very weird point in my life right now, and I don't know what, if anything, I can do. Maybe when I am home, things will start to feel normal. Its like, I am at a really good place in my life right now, but I just don't like the fact that everything is new. And I know that I am supposed to like that fact because that is what college is all about, right? Changing, finding out who I am, and all that stuff. But, I don't know. Sometimes, I wish I could just fast forward through this phase of my life. And I'm not saying it isn't great, because it is.. I'm just relly lonely, I guess. Which is strange because I am constantly surrounded by people I care about, but I feel like I am standing in a crowded room, and I'm making noise, but no one is listening and I can't breathe. Bahh, I'm sorry if anyone has read through to this. I know it hasn't made much sense and it s chock full of contradictions and me changing what i'm saying, but thats what stream of conscious is, isn't it? And thats how I'm feeling right now. Very, whatever comes to my mind, comes out of my fingers. Which I guess is ok, one day I'll be able to look back on this, and realize what I twat I am right now. Unnf. I don't know.

First semester is almost over, which I guess is good. I'll be going home on Wednesday for a long time, and I haven't been at home for more than two days since I moved, so I'm looking forward to that, but I don't know how assimilating back into my old life and back to living with my mom, and basically having responsibilities to other people again. I guess that is what's changed with me over the last few months. Basically all of high school and most of middle school, I responisbilities outside of myself that I was able to focus on and that made me not self-centered and whatever, but now, the only person I am responsible to it me. I can basically do whatever it is that I want, and it has lead to change in me. And I miss the old me, but I also like the new mean, though I am a whole hell of a lot meaner than I used to be which I don't like.

Bahh, this is getting really long. Going now, byee:)

x

nowplaying - Untitled (Can't FInd the Words.) -- Eddplant.

This is my new favorite song and its awesome and yeahh..
dftb.com/eddplant